God i suck

"What am I going to say to Collin?"...

She whispered, desperately, as we embraced.

She was shaking. My own body shook with such voilence that I would not have been able to tell, had she not whispered it to me minutes before. She ran her fingers through my hair, her head in my chest. I felt, for the first time in months, nearly a year, that I was living. And I was shocked that she was so affectionate, so caring and tender with me.

It was as if everything that we had thought about each other, said about each other, or saw in each other had all amalgamated in that span of time when she gave in, and when I let go. And we didn't have to whisper. And we weren't embarassed, and we could talk - and be truthful, not being ashamed of our reactions to each other.

She had moved over, sat next to me, and put an arm around me. She chuckled, at the ackward position.
"That didn't work.." She said, unabashedly.
And we sat. Letting ourselves touch the other in an affectionate way for the first time. We were silent, for a moment. But a peaceful, beautiful silence, shared between two people that know the other is thinking of them.
"Are you nervous?" she had asked. I didn't know. Nervousness was never something I was able to judge.
But I was.
"No.. its just..."
"Because I am."
And we were silent.